Beards Blog

I love my beard.  Audrey certainly doesn’t.  She’s praying for the day when I finally shave it off.  It’ll come in the next few days.  But it will be in stages.  The bit just below my lower lip, and around the chin will be the first to go, as they are the areas that simply look the weakest.  There could have been the possibility of a comb-over if they would have grown long enough   J

It’s got pretty unruly by now.  The only trimming has been around the upper lip.  The neck area is a matted area of hair growing in every direction, with no proper structure to speak of (or I’ve yet to find).  Running a comb through it involves a bit of effort.

While eating food, you need to be much more careful than usual.  Sauces get caught in it easily, while it had not been unusual for Audrey to spot a small morsel of food sometime after eating.  I’ve had to become much more conscientious of wiping my mouth after food (and a larger area that normal).

Drinking beer has also been affected.  I now get the 100% full-effect Guinness ‘tache, this hasn’t been a problem for the last few months since I left Ireland, as Guinness is usually rubbish abroad and not worth paying through the nose for.

While drinking pints, I now have to raise my upper lips a little to avoid getting a drenched moustache.  Towards the end of a pint, tip a little too far, and the contours of the hair at the edges of the glass make perfect conduits for beer trying to escape its natural path, and ending up on my t-shirt.

I think keeping a beard in order could be a lot of effort, thankfully I’m on holiday.  One of the lads I worked with had a full beard, always looked immaculate in the office (he is a Sikh).  He once told me he spent 30 minutes every morning sorting out his hair.  I e-mailed him for some advice on how I could get mine under control.  Eventually (I think he was too busy sorting out the facial hair ), he did mailed back with a lot of complicated info.  Good effort, but too much work for me.

I’ve been asked by numerous randoms if they can take a picture with me.  I quite like that, my ginger/brown beard may be appearing in photo collections all over the world.  My record was four people in one day.  Up until now, no one has actually asked to touch the beard, but I don’t think I could refuse if they wanted too, unless they happened to have a pair of scissors in their hands.

It’s also helping me become an expert starer.  The most stubborn ones are kids, around 5 years of age.  Initially, they would win, but I’ve been honing my skills, and usually win these days.  Quite often they appreciate a smile or a wink.  I use that with adults as well, I think it embarrasses them.

In Mongolia, I got a few shouts of “Jesus” aimed in my direction, which I found highly amusing, and it made me feel like my beard had “made it” (even with the barren patches).  Santa Claus will be the next step.  Since reaching China, there has been no shouting; either that, or Jesus has a Chinese name that is unrecognisable to me.

After 3 months of growing the beard, I think I may have finally found a practical use for it: I can hide toothpicks in it.  I think I’ll end on that note.